Dad called, telling me to bring a bottle of Opus One to his birthday dinner. Since Dad exists to make my life difficult,
um, love ya Dad I knew that I would not be able to find a bottle in at any of my neighborhood wine shops. Nope, I have to haul arse downtown to this hoity toity joint complete with a wine bar. All is not lost cause I get this cutie to help me out. He looks the intellectual type with lines of worry in his forehead. So adorable. He serves me a helping of I’m-checking-you-out. I body message back I-might-be-interested. It’s going good. I almost dont mind the $195 price tag for the Opus One. Almost. So, as I am paying I open wide my tote. Inside, I have a loud, red & yellow t-shirt that I got from Baltimore that says “I’m a Crab” (Get it? Maryland. Crab. Ha!) and a yooge apple green leather Hermes of Paris wallet. A copy of Joanna Bourne’s The Spymaster’s Lady is barely peeking underneath but of course, my wino would-be boyfriend sees it.
“What are you reading?” he asks eagerly. Eagle eyes. Great. I have eagle eyes, too. Maybe we’re a match made for some aerie.
Wino would-be boyfriend turns as red as the crab on my t-shirt. Which is good because I refuse to be embarrassed and I guess one of us had to. He hands me my purchase avoiding my eyes. Oh well. As I walk out into the sunshine, the Mastercard dude intones:
Paperback Novel . . . . $8.00
Crab T-Shirt . . . . . . . . $35.00
Bottle of Opus One . . . $195.00
Look on Wino’s Face . . Priceless